To all my new anas
For the love of god please turn back now
This isn’t a quick fix to your weight problem
This won’t help the way you feel about yourself
It will literally only make it worse
This is dangerous as fuck
Like you can actually fucking die
And today I felt like I was dying
My heart was pounding, and I was shaking violently. I didn’t have enough energy to get out of bed and when I stood up I’d nearly pass out.
I was laying in bed fucking sobbing because I’d rather be dead than physically feel like this
This problem is easily fucking solvable if I just ate
But I couldn’t because I was going to have pizza tonight
And even though I didn’t eat yesterday, and had less than 200 calories the day before, I still couldn’t bare to eat anything today because I would be forced to eat pizza with my family
Fucking pizza, a food I used to love, gives me fucking anxiety if there’s even a chance I’ll have to eat it. A food i used to love ruined by this godawful disorder, because all I can think about is how many calories are in a slice (but I have to eat 2 to keep away suspicious) and how greasy it is makes me want to puke
This is not a quick fix
This will not help you “gain control”
This will not give you discipline
But
This will give you anxiety
This will make you lie to the ones you love
This will make you absolutely hate yourself
With every ounce of your being
And if you go far enough
This will fucking kill you
